But I Had To Accept Her At Last!


But I Had To Accept Her At Last!

How I used to hate Kali! And all Her ways! That was the ground of my six years’ fight — that I would not accept Her. But I had to accept Her at last! Ramakrishna Paramahamsa dedicated me to Her, and now I believe that She guides me in every little thing I do, and does with me what She will. Yet I fought so long! I loved him, you see, and that was what held me. I saw his marvelous purity. I felt his wonderful love. His greatness had not dawned on me then. All that came afterwards, when I had given in. At that time I thought him a brainsick baby, always seeing visions and the rest. I hated it. And then I too had to accept Her!

No, the thing that made me do it is a secret that will die with me. I had great misfortunes at that time… It was an opportunity… She made a slave of me. Those were the very words — “a slave of me.” And Ramakrishna Paramahamsa made me over to Her. Strange! He lived only two years after doing that, and most of the time he was suffering. Not more than six months did he keep his own health and brightness.

Guru Nanak was like that, you know, looking for the one disciple to whom he would give his power. And he passed over all his own family — his children were as nothing to him — till he came upon the boy to whom he gave it, and then he could die.

The future, you say, will call Ramakrishna Paramahamsa an Incarnation of Kali? Yes, I think there’s no doubt that She worked up the body of Ramakrishna for Her own ends.

You see, I cannot but believe that there is somewhere a great Power that thinks of Herself as feminine, and called Kali, and Mother.


Excerpted from The Complete Works of Sister Nivedita

Sister Nivedita

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